This morning, when I woke up to get ready for church, I had a text on my phone from my support, and one of the things said, was:
โI wanted to take a moment to remind you that in a place of taking a break from the flow of powerful, you are gathering more strength to move forwardโ
I sat with that for a few moments and wow! That was pretty powerful words, and I have to admit, came at a perfect time.
Last night I had an emotional conversation with my sister on the phone about the past. We really touched some hard moments. It was a sister moment that left some really intense emotional feelings โ for the both of us.
When I woke up this morning, I felt this heaviness โ until I saw the text. It reminded me that this weekend was about โhonoring how I feel, and being with those feelings; not trying to work against it.
I was also reminded that I donโt always have to be so strong all the time, and that sometimes we just need to rest in the weakness โ to gain strength.
I have to admit, I really had no idea how I was going to do that. I donโt know how to โbeโ and let it be โOKโ that I am not feeling so strong. I didnโt know how to rest in the weakness โ until this morning.
I went to church, and for the first time ever during Mass, I wanted to get up and leave. I wanted to up and leave the Mass because I felt emotions and anxiety coming on around the conversation that I had last night with my sister. In that moment, I remembered the text from earlier that morning with the words โgathering more strength to move forwardโ.
I remembered our conversation Friday afternoon about โresting in the weaknessโ โrest in knowing itโs OK however you feelโ. โItโs OK to not feel strongโ.
If I had left the mass, I would have reverted to my old ways. I would have gone to be alone, isolated maybe, but I chose to stay, and stay connected. I chose to be and not work against it. I let myself sit there and just feel, instead of using all my strength to figure it out and make it better.
When I left Church, I felt a sense of relief. I felt relieved that I didnโt give into the old messages to run, isolate, be alone, or fight against the feelings. I stayed and heard the liturgy of the word. I stood and sang, and I took the Eucharist and prayed to God for his support and strength.
I went home, relaxed, did some writing, and I even allowed myself to be pampered a little; even though the emotions were still sitting there.
Today I was resting in the weakness, and I have to say it felt good to not fight against it. It felt good to not โfigure it outโ and allow myself to be in the moment.
I later on sent an email thanking him for the powerful and supportive words, and explained about my โnot so goodโ morning, and I was told “it’s OK, your loved, supported and connected by all”.
Tonight, I am sitting here on my bed, laptop on my lap, candles lit, theย houseย is quiet, Iโm having a piece of pizza, with the windows open, enjoying the cool breeze, AND I am feeling sad tonight โ and itโs OK.
I know inside that I am connected, and I am resting in the weakness, gathering strength to move forward in my healing.
I am right where I need to be.

Karen, again another blog well written. I think it’s good to rest, even in the sadness – I just wish you could rest in happiness ๐
Here is a hug for you
Lori