the fog is lifting
I feel like the emotional and physical fog I was living in for almost a year is finally lifting and I am beginning to feel more and more like myself again; maybe even better!
I don’t know how to explain how I feel, but things are making sense to me, and my ability to feel is something I have not been able to do this whole year. I spent most of my time this year covering my ability to feel.
When we cover our ability to feel, we also cover the good feelings as well, and this week I have been feeling it all! I have been feeling the hard, the good, the sad and the happy. I have even felt moments of joy when I am not dealing with the side effects of this new medicine.
When I was numb I didn’t see clearly at all, I only saw what I chose to see, and sometimes you don’t see the things you have been numb to until you really get on the outside looking in.
For a year I pretty much was seeing with my own peripheral vision that I chose, and I lost sight of a lot of things that I loved.
People, friends and support have noticed just in 6 days how different I am coming off these horrible pain meds and how much this new medicine I am taking is helping me to see clear.
I have been getting up at 6am every morning with no DOOM. I wake up and feel good. I do dread taking the medicine because it makes me extremely groggy and sedated for a couple of hours, but like with anything that will take time for my body to get used to.
I have done so much research on the treatment plan I am on to move away from the pain medicine and some of the things I learned and realized was just how much narcotic pain relievers damage your system and brain.
When I was on pain medicine in the past I didn’t realize how much damage it was doing to my brain by altering it, and knowing this makes me so grateful that I am on this treatment plan so that I don’t ever have to worry about this again.
I think a part of feeling different right now is my brain and chemicals in my body going back into place and the difference is amazing and I realize how I ever functioned before. It makes me sad to be honest.
One of those things was about how much you alienate yourself from the world and others. For me that has been a huge source of problem this year. I have pushed people and things away that I loved and I chose to be alone.
I will say that being on this treatment plan I am on right now to rid my body the pain meds is hard! it does come without its challenges. It’s no fun to be tired and out of it 4-5 hours out of the day while my body is getting used to it, but each day I know I am getting better and this was a good choice.
My therapist reminds me of how good this is and how he already notices a huge shift in my mind-set in healing. I am feeling more and talking about things more than I did this whole year.
I have a great support system and I couldn’t do it without all those who have been supporting me.
My husband and kids have been amazing! My friends and family!
My therapist has been such an amazing support for me inside of therapy sessions and outside of therapy by calling and texting checking in to see how I am doing.
In session today I had just gone to the DR for my medicine and I Went to session feeling lethargic and tired and my therapist just sat with me until I was ready to talk – he was very supportive and didn’t expect anything out of me expect to just support and be there for me. THAT is nice and it’s very needed right now while my body gets used to this new routine and medicine.
My hope is that the next couple of days get better and each day I am less tired. My hope is that by the weekend I will be feeling totally back to myself again, or better yet, a new me, a more refreshed me with a whole new mind-set on life.
it’s amazing what my days have been like now that the emotional fog has lifted! It’s quite amazing the things I can see that I haven’t seen in over a year! I can’t wait to see what I “see” next.