Healing, Healing Journey, Therapist, Therapy

The discomfort of uncertainty

When I am struggling with movement, or I am having a hard time connecting or feeling connected to myself, a lot of times I will wait for God to show up; I will wait for a sign or something to show up that will guide me in my next steps. Well, what came to me this time were my own words – not so much a sign from God – not something I heard, saw or read, it was in the form of a line of words that came together that just made so much sense to me, and those words that came me were:

The discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience

Talk about being hit with such profound words that had such a huge impact on me this past week. I shared this with Andy my therapist in session, and he was taken back how strong those words were, and just how much that is a huge part of where I am in this moment of my healing journey.

The one thing I have learned the most while being in therapy all these years working through a lot of the past, and working with the young inner child around the abuse I endured is that “the past is a very strong entity that will do anything in its power to keep me from stepping out of the dark and into the light” – – the past and the old messages that have stuck with me all these years are strong! It’s vulnerable to step into the light and away from the only thing I have known! it’s vulnerable to move away from what is comfortable.

The dark and the old messages of the past want to keep me in the dark! The young inner child wants to stay where there is no risk for rejection or abuse. Every time I take a big step forward and out of the dark, the young part inside gets scared and wants to retrieve back to the past – back in the dark where it’s known! – – – but what I have done in the past 12 years of healing in therapy is taking those steps away from the dark and into the light of healing – opening my voice from silence to being heard and supported. But there will always be moments where the dark – where the past – where the young inner child within wants to pull me back in because sometimes big steps feel too scary to take.

Then those words came to me the other day “The discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience”

Maybe the struggle and discomfort I feel in between taking big steps in my healing journey IS the movement! Maybe the discomfort is the precious part of the experience of this journey I am on.

We all want to feel immediate relief from something that we are struggling with, or we want to KNOW and have the answers right at our fingertips, ‘because without knowing we can’t move?’ maybe NOT, maybe that’s not true, maybe we can still move and still take steps in the UNKNOWN! Maybe we can still take steps in the discomfort or even IN the dark spaces of our lives!

We may not be able to see in the dark, but it doesn’t stop us from moving around. We may not be able to see in the dark spaces, but if we allow ourselves support and a hand to guide us, we can move anywhere around in our journey to heal.

I believe there is something within us that keeps us going and that is called “HOPE”

The discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience

Healing in therapy for me has always been a back and forth movement of taking big steps and then sitting in the big steps to reflect and understand – then I get up and take another step when it feels connecting enough to do so . . . well what I have come to realize the past couple of days is, steps can also be made in the discomfort of uncertainty just as much as in the knowing.

We all have to feel pain in order to heal, and maybe if we just allow ourselves to feel that discomfort, and move through the moments of darkness – healing can happen there too.

I have said many times to my therapist in session that when I feel connected, when I feel good about myself, those are the moments I can talk more and be open more – – – – but if I also allow myself to be open even in the moments I don’t feel connected, or don’t feel good about myself, maybe that is the precious part of the experience of healing.

Ever since those words have come to me, I feel a change happening inside of me .. I no longer feel I have to wait for the perfect moment to be open, or to have hope, or to stand up and take steps .. it can happen even in the dark – it can happen even in the discomfort of uncertainty.

2 thoughts on “The discomfort of uncertainty”

  1. I really related to this karen! Your words were profound! I felt compeled to write you. I love the music on your site, how did you get that on there? xoxo

    1. Thank you so much for your response… I appreciate your comment πŸ™‚ … the song in the background is by Anna Kay toms an old friend of mine. I added the music with the media player WordPress has πŸ™‚ I hope this helps.

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