letting {fear} write the script – no more

d46dadfa4eb678318ca9db801a7ae7b1I saw this quote last weekend and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since!

This quote really opened my heart and my mind to so many things around me; especially looking back on this hard year I have had.

The quote was this:

“Our eyes are not just viewers they are also projectors that are running a 2nd story over the picture that we see in front of us all the time! Fear is writing that script, and the working title is “I will never be enough”.

When I read that quote it was like something huge shifted inside of me; something that I have never felt before. Something changed, I changed, my feelings changed, my outlook changed!

If you really read the quote, it tells us that no matter what we have going on in front of us, there is always a 2nd story being written over what is really here! FEAR writes the script of what it is that is really here and that fear gets in the way at times, and most of the time that script is telling us “I am not enough”.

This quote has defined exactly what the past couple of years has been for me.

As readers of my blog, I know you have read many different versions of what I am going through. Sometimes I feel on top of hope, and other times I am not so sure. I have written about the REALLY hard, and the REALLY good. I have had moments where I thought I was going through a really good shift, but then realized later it was false hope.

This time, it feels SO different! I feel SO different!

Something shifted over thanksgiving break and I have never felt a sense of movement like I do now. I have never felt so connected as I do now.

Over thanksgiving break I took a step out of my head and really got clear about what was going on around me. I told my therapist that I wanted the week of Thanksgiving break to be time for me to get out of my head and time for me. I didn’t want to connect over break; that I trusted the really good connection we have.

It was a great break for me to get out of my head, away from the healing, and really get curious and clear about where I am! it was amazing!

This past year has been about not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy enough, not feeling good about myself causing me to be in this place of isolation… but what was really going on inside of me? What was causing this isolation?

What 2nd story was being played out in front of what was real? I realized, it was FEAR .. and knowing that now gives me hope of what I need to do next! In fact, I am changing hope to faith – because faith holds more promise than hope.

Coming back into my healing after the Thanksgiving break was nothing short of amazing connection! This past week was the best week I have ever had in therapy! I am more connected now than I have ever been – ever!

My therapist and I are both so excited about the path going forward! So many thoughts and ideas I have about what caused this isolation and what is really here in front of me that needs a place to be placed.

Today my therapist and I were talking about this big shift and he was glowing with excitement! He slid over to me and gave me the biggest hug of connection telling me how proud he was of me and just how DIFFERENT he see’s this shift to be and how there is big opportunity here in this big shift! It’s EXCITING!

I plan to share some of these steps with you all. I know I haven’t written much in the past week and a half, but I took a small week or so break from writing so I could really get clear about this new shift and path I am on. I didn’t want to jump ahead too quickly before I really knew what God was showing me.

I have come to realize that FEAR is the script that got in the way of where I was going this past year, and more so the past COUPLE of years. I let outside circumstances really steer the course of my healing path and it got the best of me, and now I am here writing my OWN script to my healing … no longer letting fear take control over what I want, and what I need going forward!

Fear is a huge obstacle that can get in the way of many things! That quote was right on .. there will always be a 2nd story over the truth of what is really in front of us if we let Fear control the story. WE HAVE a choice! I HAVE A CHOICE, an I know that now.

A part of the healing is realizing what that 2nd story is telling us, and how to focus on the truth of what is real vs what is not.

I hear and know that loud and clearly!

I am excited! It will be some work moving through some of the things I need to move through, but I am ready to face whatever it is I need to do to re-write the script fear has forced upon me the past couple of years!

This place I have been in is no place for me … isolation and feelings of unworthiness is not the place God would want me to be, thats not the story God has written for me or my path.

One step at a time is what is needed … however big or small – at least it’s a step “out” and not a step “in”.

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Five Minute Friday {Hold}

b7a6c89ed36e9b274abd4ab2629fa413Welcome to Five Minute Friday to where us bloggers are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing.

No editing or backtracking. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours. Set the timer and write away! Stop at the 5 minute mark no matter where you are!

Today’s Five minute Friday word is {HOLD}

{Start}

God is Holding What I am healing!

“Hold The Vision and Trust The Process”, this has been a quote I have held in my head for years and years! Don’t lost focus of the path in front of you. Hold the vision to what God has in store for you and your path.

Again, another word that has a lot to do with what I am going through right now. it’s about holding onto what I know, what I trust and what I know is there even though in tough times its hard to see.

Alot of times when we are going through something hard, we tend to turn our eyes away from it, when in real we should be holding out eyes to what is in front of us – good or bad, hard or easy .. if we look away, we lose our focus and sometimes that cane lead us to a swirly path of unsureness.

I have had to trust this whole year to just hold onto the truth that I know.. hold onto the trust that is here.. hold onto those who love and care about me …. and I believe God is holding all the things I don’t see yet, and only he knows the path I am on and what this path has for me.

My focus right now is allowing God to hold all that I am going through, and allow in him to work hard in me and through me… my job is to trust that.

I was just having a talk with my therapist earlier about what God is doing for me in my heart and how There is so much I am wishing for, but that I am holding onto the truth and trust that no matter how hard this path is, God and my support surrounds me with love, care and connection, and that is all I need right now to take the steps I am making.

So as you read my blog today and connect with me, what are you holding? what is God holding for you?

{END}

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little book of grace and hope

917088_1421765064750229_1178151065_n I bought this little “cork-board” cover book on clearance the other day and I wanted to create something to capture my favorite words and feelings!

I wasn’t sure how I was going to make this book into something that could be fun, healing, and a place to capture whatever it is that resonates with me in the moment.

So yesterday an hour before leaving for session I got out my “box making tools” and started to create the book to my feelings.

GRACE and HOPE! how appropriate for my journey, and on the inside I put a lot of great quotes that I love that I had left-over from the hope boxes I make, wanting to create a space I could just add thoughts at any time when I am not near my computer.

10249271_511197892325548_611725470_nI brought it into session and of course my therapist loved it! The first question he asked me was “and what was going through your mind when you decided to create this amazing book? did it create more of a connection in the disconnection you feel?

I think for me it is a sense of connection! Since I was 5 years old I have been all about words and meaning! Creativity and writing and drawing has been a huge part of who I am and who I have become. Anyplace that I can capture a meaning is healing for me.

“All glory comes from daring to begin”

Paper was my outlet when I was little, and anytime I could get my hands on a stack of paper,  it was like gold to me! A blank canvas to create something that no one could take away from me! My thoughts and my feelings that were mine and none for the taking from the abusers in my life.

I have created many journals in therapy .. in fact on my therapist desk sits a “TIMELINE” journal that we started to work on years ago (before chaos took place and we had to attend to another issue at the time) that was a book about the timeline of my childhood and how writing out the timeline of the abuse was healing but painful work.

I also have journal book that my therapist and I used to use in session where I would write something before session and then leave the book with him and he would write something positive in the book to give back to me at next session.

So creating books and places to put feelings and emotions has always been a healing thing for me. It only made sense to start this hope and grace book to hold all the words and meanings that help me everyday on this journey of healing.

“What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are small matters compared to what lies within us”

1277374_753110248063291_5667498701725970600_oWhen I see a blank canvas, its almost like a place of hope to where I can put something out there to be known without there being consequences; a place of vulnerability to be seen and heard, and yet at the same time creating hope for myself.

I am surprised I don’t have books out yet. I am still working on my book called “alone in the closet” .. I put it aside a year ago because I wasn’t quite ready to face the words to the abuse yet, but in the meantime, these are the books I do create.

I think what I will do with this book is take a moment every morning (after my physical morning workout) and just see what hits me at the time – whether it be a favorite quote I love, or a verse from the bible that seems to fit the day, or even just put down my feelings at the time.

I plan to take this book to therapy from time to time and share the thoughts inside as it can be very helpful to the journey I am on… or maybe even let my therapist add to it along side of our work.

Maybe take it to church and sit with it and just draw or write whatever thoughts come to mind.

I look at this book as being just like my blog, only I can hold it in my hands!

I can’t wait to see what fills this book, and maybe I will share it from time to time as it fills up.

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comfort in the familiar

imagesSometimes you need to step back into the familiar to step forward into the unfamiliar. Sometimes you need to find comfort in the old things to have confidence stepping into new things.

My blog theme is back to the one I had when I first started this blog 3 years ago, and I love its simplicity, style and grace. It makes me feel connected back to why I fell in love with writing on this blog and connecting with others.

When I changed the address and the name of my blog last week to “Finding The Grace Within” I was happy but something was missing and it felt empty and sad.

I found myself not wanting to write new blog posts since I moved it, and that made me sad. I even found myself not wanting to share my blog posts in therapy.

Tonight as I sat with it longer I realized what it was, I missed the old simplicity of my old blog from the very beginning and how much it made it feel like home to me – so I put up the old theme and I love it and I feel back at home in this comfort.

I think sometimes when we make so many changes and movements forward, we tend to feel a little lost in the newness, and for me that was found in my blog this weekend. I made a new name, a new address but something was missing, and that was comfort.

So I no longer have the neat photo animation that my other blog had, and it doesn’t have all the gadgets of cool graphics, but its simple and it reminds me of what the blog used to be for me when I felt safe and loved to write before last year happened.

AS I was setting the older look back up I felt a comfort, safety, grace and connection to it. it reminds me of where I am in healing right now, and maybe a part of healing is found in leaning back into the things that make us comfortable while still moving forward.

It’s been a long time since I have enjoyed writing in my blog again, and changing the look was just what I needed this weekend. it reminds me of how it used to be and where I began in using my voice to heal, and it also reminds me of the movements I am making forward as well.

Me and my therapist talked about this very thing in therapy Friday. We talked about how sometimes when we get so clustered in working on something hard, we tend to lose sight of the very things that were so great in the hard work and how much that defined what our work is together.

We both talked about how we should bring some of that old familiar back into the therapy room, and how that would help by leaning back on the old and move forward in the new.

I work so hard in therapy and in my everyday life that sometimes its nice to lean on the familiar. it just centers me sometimes and reminds me of where I was, where I am, and where I want to be.

Almost like an old comfortable blanket you love – it feels like the same thing.

I am sure for some of you this theme of the blog will look very familiar, and to some it will be new, but either way I hope you all like it’s simplicity and grace.

I look forward to writing again, it’s been a long time since I have been able to say that.

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the love that surrounds me

SurroundedbyLovegoddesssmallcopyrigI dont even have words to describe the awe and gratitude I have for those who surround me and those who are a part of my life today.

I have had a very tough 3 days emotionally. I didn’t know why, or even how I was going to move out of it (as I have never ever felt anything like this before in my life).

I have had hard times before, and I have felt depressed on and off like situational depression to certain situations, but it was nothing like these past 3-4 days have been – this was hard stuff.

Tonight as I sit here, I feel warm and loved. I feel relieved that my therapist and I sat with this hardness today and came to an understanding of where it came from.

I sit here tonight and I am blessed that all day today I got texts and facebook messages from those close to me asking me how I was, and giving me hugs, prayers and good wishes – ALL of which were answered for me.

For the past 72 hours – since last Friday night I started to become VERY depressed. Tears and sobs found me to a point it was almost uncontrollable, and I didn’t understand it.

Each day it progressively got worse, and today in therapy session with my therapist was the worst; even to the point of my therapist having tears because he felt so badly that I was feeling so sad and withdrawn – and then it hit us both why.

I feel better tonight because I understand where it came from, and I was surrounded by LOVE, CARE, SUPPORT, COMFORT, understanding! I am blessed and dont even have the words to express how better I feel understanding the depth of where this came from.

I started to write my book last week and sent my editor 2 chapters of the book. One was called “The Closet” the other was called “Motherless” and Friday night I sent “The Closet” and Saturday night I sent “Motherless”. They were heart wrenching to write, but never did I think it would hit me so hard inside to the point of feeling every bit of those emotions like I have never felt them before.

I have talked about the abuse in my life before, but right now it feels so different because I am at a new level of my healing. I am feeling with no walls and no covers. I am here, I am healing, and I am also FEELING every bit of it. Which is SO new for me.

Almost like needing training wheels for emotions, I dont know how to be with emotions this big.

Today in session my therapist and I sat together and he held my hand, and then gave me a hug as I cried and cried and we figured out where the depth of this was coming from – it was coming from the chapters of the book that I NEVER EVER allowed myself to feel before with no walls.

Writing those chapters hit something deep inside of me that I never wanted to truly see with my eyes as wide open as they are now. I talk about “healing” a lot, but rarely do I write about the abuse, and when I wrote those chapters, it set off something inside and my therapist told me that all those very HARD RAW emotions that were sitting way deep inside came out and it hit me.

I have spent a lifetime hiding my emotions behind walls and only letting little bits and pieces out, but these emotions came ROARING to the forefront and I felt every bit of it. I dont know what it’s like to feel TRUE pain of emotions because I spent my whole life putting pieces of them behind walls.

I have now felt them to it’s fullest.

I think I cried more in the past 3 days than I have my whole life and that is no lie – to the point it made my therapist have tears and I found myself hugging HIM – it was THAT hard.

My therapist helped me to see that sometimes when we really touch something that we have kept inside for so long that we finally allow ourselves to feel, it hurts and it hurts so badly. It’s like DETOXING emotions – snot, tears, water, pain, GUNK, EVERYTHING deep inside coming out from inside – almost like a virus that needs to find it’s way out.

I was grieving and that is what happened in the past 3 -4 days. I was grieving for the parts of my story I was writing and it hurt.

I read a quote and it reads ” When you can tell the story and it doesn’t bring up any pain, you know it’s healed

I am not ready to write the book yet – there are wounds that still need healing before I can face this book head on. It’s not healthy to re-traumatize myself writing this book, this book is supposed to be written from the empowerment – not re-traumatized pain.

I have wounds still open and healing and I need to work more with this. I spent so much time writing and talking about healing that I dont spend time talking about the pain without walls.

My therapist and I both took a deep breath in relief over the phone a little while ago after a hard hard session. I am so blessed for him, he is such a wonderful therapist and I am so glad he was by my side every bit of the way this week.

I am so blessed for my husband who truly helped me and was there for me, and all the people who I shared this with.

I am putting the book aside until I can work with the wounds that are here. My editor is more than willing to wait as long as he has to, he wants to see this book take it’s stand. INSTEAD I am turning my blog into a memori book to be sold as a part of the journey to healing and I will share that with you in time as I plan it out more.

My therapist and I have decided to work more with what is going on deep inside; to work with the emotions that are now out from behind the wall, this is important and its a crucial part of my healing – this is where the GOOD healing happens.

I will know when I am ready – one step at a time. IT WILL Happen, it will just take a little more time than I hoped for.

I am relieved tonight to know what happened and how much love and support surrounded me around this. GOD is so good to me to put wonderful people in my life when I need them most.

The healing journey continues . . . . . and so doesn’t my writing

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self care

75d3591fd85f10c98744e5d510c7888aWhat is self-care? that was a question I didn’t have an answer to just a couple of years ago. I never knew how to provide myself with self-care without the feeling of guilt attached to it.

I have learned much about self-care in therapy, and my therapist is really good about guiding me towards my own self care, and I have learned (at a snail’s pace) how to accept that.

I have gotten better about taking time for myself in the middle of the week, and maybe taking a day of the weekend to just take care of me, but I fall short many times in the middle of the busyness of my life.

My therapist is doing “Male Survivor” this weekend in North GA, and he will be gone the rest of this week and the weekend.

When he does these small little breaks, I also clear my schedule and give myself a break.

Therapy and healing is hard hard work, and sometimes I need a couple of days to break myself down, and then put myself together with a fresh coat of paint.

I have come to realize over the years of therapy that I need to take advantage of these small breaks when they come up, and I am finding more and more that I enjoy it.

Years and years ago when I first began therapy I would almost freak out when my therapist took a vacation or went away on these mal survivor retreats for a couple of days because I was afraid he would forget where I was in my healing, or maybe the young part of me was afraid he wouldn’t come back. I wasn’t dependent on HIM, I was dependent on the healing, and was afraid all my hard work would go away and I would have to start over.

Here I am 6 years later and I look forward to the small breaks, and that is so different from where I was just a couple of years ago.

I have not only grown to “trust” the process, but I have also grown to give myself the self-care that I need, and to trust that it’s OK to take time out for me.

Self care is never an easy thing to do, because naturally I put others before myself. Self-care for me in the past was about self survival, not the kind of self-care that holds love for myself.

I will take this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday and clear my whole schedule. NO Dr appointments, no errands to run, no driving the boys around.. just time out for me in doing whatever it is that helps me “self-care”

My therapist offered to stay connected the time he was up gone in the next couple days (by him texting and checking in or me emailing), but you know what? maybe that is an offer I would have taken in the past, but I said to him “no you go and do what you need to do, and I am going to take some time to just reflect and refresh” and he respected me for that, and I respected myself for stating what it was that I needed and good for me for taking on that self-care.

I am not sure how much I will write in my blog the next couple of days, but if I do, I will write with no agenda.

I look forward to the next couple of days, and when we both return to therapy Tuesday, my healing is still there, my hard work still awaits me – but for now I just BREATHE and enjoy the self-care that also awaits me – however that looks

Like I said in my blog post yesterday – healing is a continuous journey, even when you take time to sit for a couple of days.

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that old familiar feeling

1a23f0426bb24ca33b8161a27e3e029eIt took me a long long time to really feel comfortable in the therapy room when I started therapy 6 years ago.

I remember my first steps into the therapy room and how scared I was. I sat in the leather chair with one foot out the door, and now years later, it’s a room filled with my story, and my healing; a place where I am accepted, supported, loved and heard fully.

I am in that space 4 days a week with Tuesday being 2 hours, you would have to say it’s like another little home for me; home to my healing, home to a place I expose my wounds. Home to a place I also invite God to heal along side of me.

Therapy for me is not just about showing up in a room being stuck with the past. Therapy is about learning, growing, getting to know myself while having someone along side of me to help me walk the path of unsureness.

Therapy is about trusting another person with the scars and pain that binded me for so long. Therapy is about relationship and taking someone along into the world that was dark and being guided to find the light.

Therapy for me is finding who God created me to be, and not what others wanted to create inside of me. Therapy is a process, and a process that so far in 6 years has changed me so much that I don’t even remember the person I was behind the walls that surrounded me.

If you look around the therapy room you will see things on his desk that I have brought in over the years like the healing hope box and the timeline books.

There is a little zen garden that I got my therapist a long time ago at the beach that holds small little meaningful things that represent me and my healing – milestones of moments that mean something to a part of my story.

There is a cup that has the word “Dance” on it written in chalk, and a cross made from one of the “Palm Sunday” services I went to that we plan to make to ashes one day.

The therapy room is shared by many wonderful clients; people who also share their stories and pain – but when I walk in, I feel in those moments, it’s my little corner of the world where I heal, where I am fully accepted to be heard and it feels safe and comforting.

This past year while I was going through an unexpected/unfortunate situation that ruptured the even-flow of the room and my healing in therapy, it was hard showing up and feeling as if my healing place was safe, healing or comfortable. It felt compromised by a situation I had no control over.

It held stress, sadness and an unsureness for a while – but I kept showing up! I never gave up my healing process no matter how hard it was and trusted that it will feel that way again, I just needed to trust it – 6 years of trust was what I held onto.

Today when I walked into session, something felt hugely familiar again; something felt really comforting. I don’t know what that change was, but it brought me back to before all the past hard year happened.. it felt familiar.

I sat on the couch with my therapist and I looked around (per my usual routine) before moving into the talking with him, and something shifted and it felt like a good familiar – even though I still showed up in the hardness, today it felt different.

I looked over at my healing box, I looked over at my words that still stand big on the white board that says “I choose to heal and dance with confidence“. I looked over at the tree photo that hangs to my left, I looked over at the zen garden and all the little things inside of it that represent me and my healing.

I looked at my therapist and just felt “home” again, even though I am there many days a week – something felt hugely familiar and it gave me goosebumps and a smiling heart inside.

I remember saying to myself in session this afternoon “thank you God”. “Thank you God for helping me to see what has always been here, but was just covered by hardness for a while.

I don’t know if it’s because I finally feel the year-long battle of this situation that happened has finally come to a close with some peace?

I don’t know if it’s GOD showing up and saying “this is a safe place to heal as it always has been, accept it and see the goodness in it”.

I don’t know if it was the great talk my therapist had with me today that brought me into the familiar again.

Whatever it is, it felt good; the best its felt in a long time.

My therapist felt the same shift … like a familiar part of me came through today, and he was excited and we celebrated that something small shifted in the room today.

Today I felt there was a part of me that settled back into what was always familiar for me in this room – the safe-ness, the comfort and support, and the great energy of connection and of course the wonderful wisdom and knowledge I love to hear.

Even though I show up 4 days a week and have never quit or given up – I have to say “I’ve missed it” and it feels good to be in the familiar feeling again.

Healing is a hard process, and it’s not always easy to show up in a place where your wounds have been and are exposed, gutted  and prodded over and over! But along with that comes the process, the learning, and the support inside of it that helps heal the exposed hardness.

I’m smiling and taking a deep breath right now. I am writing this today because it feels so good and right and I wanted to share it, and there is more to healing and writing than just the hard stuff – there is the goodness that shows up right in the middle of the hardness and today was one of those days for me.

I am glad I can take you all along with me in the goodness today – thank you for giving me that opportunity to be open no matter what is here, good or bad, happy or sad, anger or elation .. it’s nice to have people walk aside of me in all those feelings.

I look forward to showing up next week … to that familiar feeling that was always there, but just covered for a while.

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a new kind of hope

hope in handsIn all the years I have been writing in this blog, never have I named the subject of the post the same as the name of the blog – but today it fits! I found a new kind of hope today.

Today in session my therapist said something that latched onto something deep and it gave me tears so fast that we both wondered “where did the tears come from, and what do they mean?”.

and I opened up….

I opened up about something today that gave both my therapist and I “a new kind of hope” going forward on this path. Something that gave more understanding to why I am struggling to find the path I was on before the past “hard” year happened.

I was the adult before I was the child, and well to be honest, I dont think I have ever been the child, but lately I feel the emotions of the 9 year old child that I put away to live forward.

Being a victim of child sexual abuse I had to grow up quick, and whatever emotions I had, I had to put them away. Every tear, every bit of fear, every bit of anger, or sadness, confusion – I put deep inside of me, and I became the adult at the age of 9 – hell I became the adult when I was 5-6-7-8-9 when my choices of being a child were taken from me.

Something about this past year when things got really hard and I got re-triggered by many many things – brought big big feelings right to the surface and I feel as if the emotions and the feelings and the anger of the 9 year old child are finally coming out.

Today as the 40+ year old adult, I am confused as to why I am feeling all these confusing feelings that are painful, sad, and anger filled.

I want more than anything to stuff them back away and continue being the strong adult woman, mom, wife and friend I created myself to be since I was little, but for some reason, those tools of stuffing don’t quite work the way they used to work. I dont have the ability to build walls like I did as a child.

I took a hammer to those walls 6 years ago when I first walked into therapy and continue hammering away at those walls even to now. Those walls are pieces all over the floor, and simply they cannot be re-built.

Rebuilding those walls are no longer an option to cover the pain, and today for the first time in years of working on this in therapy, I realized I can’t build walls anymore, I don’t have the tools, and therefor I need to honor all the emotions that surfaced in order to heal.

Today there was hope that there is no fear in feeling what I should have felt as a child – just like the anger I had Tuesday.

These emotions that are here are telling me something – maybe God is trying to tell me something through these feelings.

My therapist while sitting next to me this morning took my hand, held it, and said to me “I now know whats going on inside of you, and I can help you“.

A NEW KIND OF HOPE!

that is the first thing I thought of when he said those words to me today. It’s what my blog and my writing represents. HOPE to move forward in the knowing and not the unknown.

.

As I was driving home from session I felt this opening inside of me happening! I opened up to my therapist in a big way today and told him exactly how I felt inside, and he understood, heard me, and he really got it!

This wise woman name “Mary Armstong” once said to me “You have to love the child inside and honor the child inside of you in order to fully heal her pain

Today I think I finally understand what that means. I always had this feeling of shame or guilt that I would ever allow myself to honor something I stuffed away at 9 years old – because my thought was “if I feel those feelings when I was child, it means I am not healing, I am sick, and I will never move out of this“. I can only imagine where I got that impression from, could have been the millions of times my abusers said “it’s your fault, your bad“.

Deep inside of me the 9 year old emotions want out, and, in a scary fearful way, I need to honor that, because if I dont, I will always carry around with me those emotions and feelings that never had a reason to be, and I will never let go to heal for me.

I dont think I like the idea of feeling emotions that I stuffed away at 9 years old, but I also don’t like the feelings I have right now in feeling trapped. I guess Mary Armstrong was right, I need to love the child inside of me that I was, before I can love the adult I am today.

I remember this quote I read once from a philosopher

we all have the child inside of us, each and every one of us –  it’s up to us how we let that child go. Some of us already have, and some of us are stuck from painful memories and abuse

– I am stuck.. and I need to find a way to let her go.

I do walk towards this in fear, but I also walk in confidence that the support that surrounds me; will see me to the end of my new beginning no matter how hard the road is.

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