rest in the {knowing}

Nothing is more comforting than just “resting in the knowing”. I was reminded of this today “rest in the knowing” – “find a soft place to land” “rest in what is true and real” “connection is all around you”.

Today was a comforting day for many reasons. When I can rest in the knowing and feel completely connected – I heal.

When I am walking on my path towards me, and I am allowing myself to be surrounded by those who love, care and support me and where I am – I heal.

It’s no surprise that I have had a very tough rough patch – but that is now changing. It took me being in a hard place to give me more strength. it took me being in a hard place to truly see who is around me, who I can trust, and that the connection is even stronger! when I feel connected – I heal.

Today I woke up and felt something new. I felt what I know, what I trust, what I have always trusted. I felt supported, I felt grace, I felt love, I felt God, I felt all the things that help me to heal.

I dont think I have ever said this before, but I am actually really looking forward to the week ahead. I am looking forward to the week of healing; to find me again, and to accept support, connection and wisdom not only with those around me, but within myself.

I have sat here tonight as I am moving through my blog and writing, and I am resting in the knowing and it feels really good! It’s the first time I have felt this way in a while. I trust it.

My therapist always says to be “I wish you could find a soft place to land” – well I can tell him I had some of that today. I had some of that because I trust what I feel – the knowing.

The knowing of the trust I have put over 5 years in my healing now. The knowing of those is around me. The knowing of the people who care and support me in this journey. The knowing that God is always by my side no matter what comes towards me. The knowing of those 5 words “I can talk about anything” “we can talk about anything”…. and the knowing that even when there are dark times, there is still light.

Tonight I rest in the knowing – tomorrow I will wake in the knowing – next week I will heal in the knowing!

 

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{ connection } the light to my path

Tonight I am sitting here and things are becoming clearer. I feel more connected tonight than I have in weeks.

I always have believed that “connection” is what serves a great path to my healing.

Today I was reminded of that connection. I was reminded that nothing has changed in this hard place I was in. Nothing has changed in the support, care or love – it’s there, I just need to accept it and have trust in it. Sometimes I need to be reminded when I get lost in the hardness.

I have realized over the years in therapy that connection is the light to my path. Each step I take in my healing, lights the path to go forward.

I spent a lot of my life in disconnection. Disconnection from myself and others. I was always a quiet and reserved person. I was shy and I retreated to myself a lot – until recently.

I have learned in my 5 years of therapy that there is a whole world out there wanting to be connected. I learned that each connection I accept is another light to my path.

It’s no surprise that the past couple of weeks for me have been grueling! I have had moments that I wanted to give up – I have had moments that nothing made sense to me. I had moments to anger and frustration! Those are the moments that the path is dim, but never dark.

I have learned in this path to healing that the road is never fully lit! You will go through moments of dim and what seems like darkness, but in real, those are the places you rest and gather strength (just like we need to sleep at night with the lights off).

There is one thing I have always told my therapist and that is “I cannot work when I feel disconnected”. When I feel connected I can get through almost anything… but as time as gone by, I have learned that I CAN work in disconnection… those are the moments I learn, and gather wisdom, and strength, and wonder. IT has allowed me to trust the connection even in the dark.

My journey in healing has been about learning to trust what is there even when I can’t see it. Yes it’s more comfortable and trusting when we can see it, but imagine how much more powerful it is to accept in the dark; in those places that don’t feel as connected. Those are the moments you need to grab a hold of connection.

Tonight I feel more connected to me, my support and God. It’s a feeling that I just feel deep within. I am coming out of this darkness I have been in for weeks now.

For the first time in weeks I am looking forward to my healing in therapy this upcoming week! I feel something is on the verge of happening and I feel “GOOD” all around me. Those are the feelings that bring light to my path – connection and trust; those are the brighter parts to my path.

 

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finding the familiar

I am the type of person that works around “the familiar” – like routines, the way I do things are the ways that I heal, live, be and move through life.

In my healing, I look for the familiar to get me from one thing to the next. I look for all the things that fill me with strength.

This week has had it’s challenges of finding that familiar, and right when I thought I had it, I was pushed back yet again; leaving me with more work to do – does it ever end? (I say that with great frustration)

It seems that I can never catch a break and just breathe. I find myself trying to find the familiar of what worked before, and I go from there to find my path again.

Right now I am in that cycle of trying to find what works, what I can depend on working, and finding grace and hope through that.

I feel the wind has been knocked out of my sail again, and I am on the sidelines fixing something that I never created to begin with, while everyone else is out there sailing.

So here I am, again, trying to find the familiar of what worked before, so I can move forward. Finding hope, grace, faith, and the little things that make me who I am.

Connection is a huge part of this.. and I am trying to find the connection again as well, but it has been altered in the past week.. so I am trying to find that as well – it’s there, I just have to reach it and take a hold of it.

I do know this much, it will all work out – I trust the process of healing… I have learned this for many years.. I just have to keep in mind “patience it will pass” and “I can talk about anything”.

I have the most amazing support in my life, but even that feels a little distorted right now – but I know I will find the grace in all around me, and it will all come together again on my path that I am walking on and towards – this is just a rough patch in the road, and I trust that God will help repair it as I walk.

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