reclaiming my path
I have many good things coming up this month and I am so glad that I am finally beginning to find my path back; reclaiming the path that I felt so good on before this hard year began.
I am so glad that I am finally coming around from what seemed to be a year of never-ending challenges both emotionally and physically.
As most of you know it has been an incredibly hard year for me this year.
I feel like I have been thrown in the washer and put on the spin cycle a few times and then life came along and hit the RESET button over and over to a never-ending cycle that seemed to ring me out of all my energy and emotions.
I have gone through isolation and disconnection. I have gone through anxiety and fear. I have gone through bitterness and anger, and even moments of hopelessness.
I have experienced for the first time what deep depression is and anyone who knows me knows that I am not a depressed person.
I have gone through moments where I wasn’t sure If I could find my healing path back. I felt as if all my hard work was wasting away reverting back to the life I had before I found healing and it’s been hard to keep that faith going forward.
It hasn’t been a very good year this year but things are finally starting to turn around.
First starting with my healing in therapy. Therapy has taken a 180 from a year ago and I am so blessed for my therapist who has stuck by my side while we tried to recover from a real unfortunate event that happened a year and a half ago.
We both worked hard to come together and trust our relationship in therapy and we worked our asses off to really show up and continue being a great team.
We are closer and have a better openness now than we ever have. Sometimes being in a hard situation creates a new level of vulnerability and this one turned our work into something greater going forward in the work we are doing.
I have learned that the hardness of this year was about surfaced emotions from the past that I never felt before. I learned what pain is like without any walls and I also learned how to accept love and support without guilt from all those around me, including my therapist who has supported me and cared for me so much this past year.
I am working towards healing the many things that have surfaced and I am learning how to accept these emotions and feelings are here for a reason and how it doesn’t make me weak to feel them, but instead makes me feel strong.
My year began with isolation and it’s now at a place where I am open and healing things I never thought I would heal before.
I am still struggling with many things, but the difference is, I am not alone, I am talking about it, and better yet I am feeling it and allowing myself to feel it.
My therapist and I are really working hard on working with many things I would have never worked around before and that is making a huge difference. I am taking down walls that I swore I would never allow to come down and I have to say even though it’s scary, I am feeling a shift.
Today is the first day of September and I am looking forward to the remaining of this year taking big turns towards goodness!
It’s time to reclaim my path; the path I was on before it was rudely interrupted by unforeseen situations and life getting in the way and really throwing me on the spin cycle.
I look forward to walking down that old familiar path, and the new things that I am finding along the way.