Possitive Energy!

I saw this banner and I was immediately attracted to it’s style.. it makes you feel the energy!! I work alot around energy and connection… energy to me is about how things feel around me… is it safe, is it cold, is it warm, is it inviting, or is it disconnecting? does the energy allow me to talk freely, or is it so thick that I revert back to my old way of silence? For me, energy in a room sets the mood, it tells me whether or not I need to scan or just be.

I feel that connection and energy are 2 separate things… connection is how you feel connected to a person… energy is about the feel of the  space you are in.. the energy has nothing to do with the person, but everything to do with the space the person is in. My mood fluctuates all the time through site, smell, and energy in the room.. I am always looking for “positive” energy to work off of, so that the connection to the people around me is just as positive..

I guess this comes with the territory of being a person who struggles with PTSD… you learn both what energy and connection is like.. you cannot have one without the other, it’s possible, but it’s alot more work. Everyday I try and think of the possitive energy around me.. it’s a challenge but I really try. When I saw this banner, I thought about my work, and how this pertains to my everyday life.


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A Home Well Lived in

We love our new home.. we just recently moved about 2 months ago, 5 houses down, into a newly built home. I thought I was moving into a smaller house, but in real, I think it’s slightly bigger.. it still has 4 bedrooms, with a finished basement and a livingroom that is off the masterbedroom… I have to say it’s more our style.

one of the things that make my house a home, is the portraits that I have in every room. I am not done putting up all the portraits just yet, but it’s getting there! I make a theme of photos around the house, to show what our life is like through photographs! I think it’s the best feature in a home.  One of my favorite parts of the house is the FOYER where there is a painted tree with portraits.. lots of photos, and candles.. I am still working on adding more photos.

The kitchen is big and has bar-stools.. we I turned the livingroom into a photography room because I am not one that really likes having a “dining room”.. I cannot see eating in a room with RUG.. so we decided to do bar-stools and we all eat together in the kitchen.. it’s fun and easy living!

I love a house that is lived in.. I dontwant a showcase home, I dont want to cover my furniture in plastic.. a home is meant to be lived in.. I love a home to feel inviting – like my photoswhere I show what our life is like through portraits!!







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God’s Home

I heard a wonderful quote today in church, and I have not stopped thinking about it since… the quote was

“Church is not a club for saints, but a hospital for sinners”

How true is that? people think that if you go to church that is automatically makes you a worthy person of God in his eyes.. people think that all the “good” people go to church.. but in real, we need to look at church as a hospital for sinners.. we go there to be in gods word, be around God’s people; all in unity to show your love for him and the people and most of all yourself. Church is a place to pray for the sins that take over you, the sinner that all of us have inside of us.. we always try and be “good” people “sin-free” people, but we all have sin.. church is not a place for saints, people are not saints, they are sinners, but when you go to church, you are showing that you are gods child, capable of SIN and FORGIVENESS!

So the next time you go to church, keep in mind that, it’s far from a perfect place for perfect people, it’s far from a place for saints… it’s simply a home ; a hospital for sinners.. people seeking to fill their heart with good, to replace the bad.. to find wholeness within themselves in the presence of God.

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Life in Transfiguration

Father Larry spoke in the Homily on Sunday about “Transfiguration” .. what does that mean for us today? God took 3 of his disciples and brought them up to the mountain-top to show them a glimpse of what “Heaven” is, the glory of god shining before them.. God wanted to give them a feel for what GLORY is.. The disciples said, we should stay here, build 3 tents and be in this glory.. but God said to them “NO” .. You need to go back down off the mountain and go through life to get to this glorious place..

How that pertains to life today, is we know what the GLORY of God can do for us, if we follow.. we hear and have faith in what Peter, James and John saw.. the glory of god, what heaven is like, what the peace of being at the top of the mountain can do for us.

God’s word was “you need to come down from the mountain”.. go through the trenches of life, so that you can be at the top of the mountain and be in gods glory.

When I heard this, I wondered how it pertained to my life.. have I ever been a the top of the mountain to see what it could be like? I think I have been maybe a few feet from the bottom.. but I spent most of my time “trenching” through life trying to find my way. The journey that I have been on seems awfully far from the top.. there are days I don’t want to go to the mountain.. Because I think to myself “how can God create such work for me?” .. if this is the trenches, what is hell? I don’t want to know.

I imagine that being on the mountain top is the reward for the hard work we do to get closer to god.. and in the harder times you wonder if you can actually do it. I am faced against that challenge everyday – “can I do this?” “How much more do I have to fight to prove I am worth Gods glory of having some peace?” ….. there is a part of me that asks God for only one day, maybe a part of the mountain, not the top, but maybe 10 feet up, on a ledge where I can overlook something to give me more hope to go forward.

This Homily really hit me in more ways than one.. a part of me wants to keep fighting for that mountain-top.. and the other part of me wonders if I have any more “trenches” left in me. When is enough, enough?

Transfiguration I think is a sign of courage.. to come off that mountain top…. but the hard part is, what if you have no idea what it looks like? That is where “faith” comes in.. you have to vision what it’s like.. have faith in what it’s like.. and most of all – have faith in GODS word.

Everyday I wake up and I fight for even the SMALLEST glimpse of the mountain top through my healing.. It’s been a hard trench that is for sure, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder, why my trench is VERY high and VERY tiresome.. I just want a SMALL glimpse to give me hope.. so I continue to put my love and faith in God.. everyday.

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