moving through it – then found connection

I woke up this morning startled into an anxiety attack at 6:20am that came out of nowhere.

Everyone was sleeping, the house was quiet, and there I was, in the middle of an attack that I had no idea was coming.

Anxiety attacks don’t happen to me very often, in fact my last one was about 2 months ago when I was on this new medication for my heart.

90% of my anxiety attacks come from a heart palpitation that wont go away. Living with heart palpatations my whole life you would think I would be used to it; but not ones that wake you up out of a sound sleep.

When your in an anxiety attack your mind is thinking one thing, when it’s not really happening to you. I have learned to control these anxiety attacks over the past couple of years. The moment it starts I grab a cold glass of water, and I walk around the house and I breathe. I walk around the house so that I can put the energy OUT and not sit in it.

While I am pacing the house, I think about sunspots, and the warmth of the sun shining on me through thoughts of grace, peace, love, connection, and goodness.

Once I am able to bring myself to that place, it goes away. I don’t let it spiral outward anymore, I have learned to cope with these attacks and to keep reminding myself that whatever the mind is trying to tell me that is wrong, it’s not real. I am in the here and the now.

This anxiety attack lasted a good half hour and when it was over, I laid on the couch and fell asleep! It wore me out! When going through an anxiety attack, your heart races, so you can only imagine that the whole body is in a frenzy and completely wears itself out. By the time I hit the couch and covered up with my fuzzy blanket, I was out!

I woke up at 11:00am and the Weather Channel was on, and I heard the words “it’s going to be stormy today, but we will have some breaks of sun”.

I looked at my phone and saw that my therapist had sent me a funny text just 15 minutes before waking, reminding me about connection and dancing shoes, and a small joke that had me gut out laugh! I responded in connection with my own little wit, and also told him about the weird anxiety attack, but that I am OK and connected and thank you for reaching out this morning, that was thoughtful! 

I then opened up my my laptop and saw a quote right away on facebook that said “God is always with you, all you need to do is trust it”

It’s funny how when we go through things that throw us off our track – God is always finding ways to put things in your life to show you that you are connected, you are loved, cared for and most of all, you are OK in the now.

I am not thinking about the anxiety attack I had this morning; but more reflecting on what came out of it. Sunspots and breathing, connection through a text that made me smile and laugh. Words from a weather man reminding me that even though it’s going to rain and storm there will be sun, and a nice quote reminding me that God is always here.

These pesky little anxiety attacks that happen feel so BIG yet I have learned they are so LITTLE when you learn to have control over them, and to be in the now, to where the NOW is filled with love, connection, and warm sunspots even when it’s raining.