Have you ever been on a journey so long that you found yourself to the point of exhaustion that you had to find a place to sit; even if it’s in the middle of the road? I guess in a way I have gone through this many times in my journey to healing; to find the real me behind my story, and behind the mystery of “why I am the way that I am”. In fact, I know that I have sat many times in this confusion and hardness; to the point of people around me telling me that I needed to get back up, because sometimes we can find ourselves more comfortable sitting and thinking, instead of standing and fighting.
I have found many comforts in sitting, and there have been many times in this journey that I have sat, sometimes for short amount of time, and sometimes for a long time.. but I am realizing that, the sitting is becoming more of an obstacle than standing and fighting! I think the sitting is allowing the hardness to manifest itself, to the point of isolation and weakness – and lets face it, if your running a race and you stop and rest, the more you rest, the longer it takes to get to the finish line.
The obstacle? I have always been afraid to know what is behind the finish line, because it’s unfamiliar to me. I think a lot of us can be afraid of what we don’t know on the other side, so of course sitting is safer and feels more comfortable – it gives us more time to think of how we are going to get to the end, and all of the “what if’s?” and “what is there?” or “how can I?!”.. I have learned that sitting is not a place of rest, but rather a place where our strength is weakened – standing and walking towards is MUCH more powerful than sitting. I think I am ready – actually I know I am ready!
I am ready to stand back up and walk again.. I may not have the strength or the courage to run, but I think standing is the first step to continue towards “the unfamiliar”. I think God has truly given me the strength to go forward again.. the question is, will I sit again? I think for the first time in this very long journey that I have been on, that I can actually say, I dont think sitting is an option for me anymore, and even saying that is a very scary thing, but I am willing to fight through it, whatever it takes to get to me in this journey.