Over time, many years, I have gone through many of the same obstacles over and over, and each time those obstacles come back around, the obstacle changes.
Not only has it changed, but I changed, how I view it has changed, and the emotional aspect of it has also changed.
I am beginning to see healing as a cycle of change. I don’t believe that you sit and talk about something, learn about it, heal from it and move on. I believe that healing is and always will be a cycle.
I have noticed that in the past 2 years or so, the same obstacles and same painful situation has circled back around many many times, but each time it has come back around, I can almost see the change, feel the change, and moving through it seems a little easier than time before.
I feel as if I have gained strength over the time it took for it to come back around, and when it comes back to me, I have healed whatever it is I am facing a little bit more than the last. There is more understanding and seeing truth in that understanding.
Healing is not about making something go away, healing about making the very things we struggle with easier to manage in our every day life.
The pain and suffering from something that has happened to you is never going to go away. If you go into healing with that mind-set of making it go away; you are only setting yourself up for a very painful cycle.
Unfortunately it will come back around at some point, because those things that wounded us, will always be there, healing is just about how it effects us and how we can learn to find a sense of empowerment over it.
I still struggle with this understanding when I am going through a really hard time. I want there to be a “doing” to make it better now. I am beginning to realize and learn that the doing part is not making it go away, but finding ways, small ways, to have some empowerment over how it makes me feel.
About a month ago, I was struggling with connection, and I was getting ready to go to session and instead of having this expectation to make the connection better, I allowed myself to show up just as I was, and found connection in “what was” instead of “what can be done”.
Sometimes the doing is just being. My therapist and I have really worked hard with that wisdom for a good couple of months, and it still stings in times of hardness when you want so badly for something to feel better NOW!
My therapist will say “there is no doing in this moment, we are doing it, we are being with what is here and that is where the healing is”.
I have a love hate relationship with his wisdom, just sayin!
Healing is a cycle, and in that cycle there are times we suffer, there are times we feel weak, there are also times we feel stronger and ready for the fight!
There are times we are faced with hard emotions, and there are times when we feel numb! All those things are needed in order to heal – its no longer about making it go away; but letting it come back around so we can be with it in a different way each time.
Healing is a cycle of time that needs us to be all the very things we try so hard to push away. We fear feeling the pain it brings, but if you just let it come to you, and let it leave and come back around, you will see that the process of it coming back will be different, look different, feel different and even show up differently.
Healing is a stubborn process; one that I have really faced hard for many years now, but I truly see a change happening inside of me the past month or so, because I am no longer looking at the healing process as “an action to make something go away” I am now seeing healing as “a process of learning how to be with what is here and finding empowerment over “IT” and not “IT” having empowerment over ME”
Healing is a cycle of change; a change that can only happen through you, and by you.