The more and more I felt the blog was violated, the more it took a part of my writing away and drew me closer to something else that was taking me away from not only my writing, but from everyone else in my life who I hold close.
When I lose touch with my writing that I have been doing for so long, I lose touch with a part of my self, my authentic self. I truly felt as if everything was taken away from me all at once, and I was grasping to grab any ground I could find.
So I stood up, I dusted myself off, and I decided to take a new path. I changed my blog and this is my new home for my blog. Even thought the blog “looks” the same, it will have a new feeling to it. Like the name of the blog stands the name “a new kind of hope”.
My healing is also taking a new kind of hope – I have experienced changes in my life in the past month that I cannot even begin to describe in small words – all I can say is, God is pulling me in, and he has a new path for me. I can feel it.
My path in my therapy has also taken a new turn.. although it’s been a couple of hard roads to get there, my therapist and I have come to new levels in our work together. There is a new-found trust and hope. He knows more about me than he did just a year ago, and I know more about the room and what it holds. I found a new passage, a new opening to open up and talk to him in a way I could never before, and that truly feels good – scary, but good, because I never know what is going to come out when I show up.
I wont lie, I am going through a very hard time right now, but it’s a “new kind of hope” kinda of hard. It’s not the kind of hardness that has no hope on the other side, it’s the kind of hardness that you know you have to go through to get to the other side.
I really hope that moving this blog to a new home opens me back up to a new place – where I can feel the freedom to be and write whatever it is I want to be and write about – with no worries.
Whatever or wherever the path may lead me, I am sure I will write about it – until then, I am finding a new.