learning to “heal” my inner child

“Your wounded inner child will never be healed by something from the outside but only by yourself, your own power and wisdom”

I have struggled for many years to even accept that I had an inner child. I struggled with the thought that the little girl I was still remains struck inside of me – wanting to be healed, loved and connected to.

I feared that if I accepted that part of me, that it would mean I was mentally ill, or I would be more damaged than I thought I would. I was afraid that I would be looked at weird by even mentioning “my inner child”.

It was a while back ago in therapy that my therapist shared with me that even he has an inner child – we all have an inner child. For some people their inner child is stuck in place – wounded – scared – filled with old messages that never allows the adult to grow in certain ways.

I have accepted and come to really embrace the inner child within – to learn and understand the difference between the old messages of the past vs. the truth of today.

The past couple of weeks, I have gently moved the child within forward with me – letting myself lead her to a new path of healing and understanding. Allowing her voice to be heard – but at the same time trusting my own self, my own voice, and my own wisdom – – showing her there is a trust and connection we can learn to accept without being hurt.

I have accepted to help bring forward and heal the younger me, not just accept that there is a younger me, but to help heal those wounds she holds and trust the process of letting myself lead, while understanding the hurts and fears that the younger child holds.

My therapist has really helped me to bring her forward so that I can help her – help me. Not pushing away her fears and feelings, but allowing them to be here. Allowing the hurts to tell a story and to heal from her voice.

I really came to understand something this past week (a week that was filled with a lot of hard things), that a part of taking steps out of this isolating place I have been in, is truly about allowing the inner young child to be here, let her be, let her voice be heard, let her fears be known, and allow myself to feel that.

It has changed me – allowing the young part to be present. It has changed me in a way that I am seeing things differently, and I am able to work through the fears I go through around many things – including taking steps when steps are needed.

I never realized just how much the inner child holds – the moment I accepted her, I could hear things a lot louder and clearer and understand why I am the way I am, because of her. . . . which helps me to understand what part of her needs healing.

EVERYONE has an inner child .. and like the quote says “Your wounded inner child will never be healed by something from the outside but only by yourself, your own power and wisdom

No one can heal the inner child but me, I can have support through it, and I can have help to love her, but only I can truly heal her wounds by loving her to healing and accepting who she is within.

“Be gentle, kind, and comforting to the inner child as we uncover and release the old negative messages within”

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continue; making my way back

As I sit here writing, putting words to this blog, it feels weird as I haven’t written in so long – – but at the same time it feels familiar.

I took a backseat to my writing and many other things this past year, but the one thing I didn’t take a backseat to was my healing, and continuing to fight and put one foot in front of the other.

For the past year or so, I went through emotional and physical isolation, I pushed away my writing, I pushed away people who I was once close to, I pushed away things that really defined who I was.

I pushed away out of fear – – but what I have learned the most these past couple of months is, those things I pushed away and backed away from, never went away – that my writing, and those people who love and care for me are right here waiting as I continue to take steps forward and out.

My therapist and I have worked so incredibly hard this past year, and continue to work hard to help me put one foot in front of the other as I took, and continue to take steps out to find my way back – and for him and this journey I am so grateful. I am so grateful that he helped me find my steps, and even sat with me in the moments of still.

The one thing I have learned the most about myself in this past year is, no matter what steps I took whether it was steps back, to the side, steps paused out of fear, or even moments of sitting still,  I was always going forward even when I didn’t see it or feel it.

The funny thing about healing is, no matter how hard things get, you can move forward in the hard. You can move forward even in the pauses, you can even move forward when you take no steps at all. I have really come to understand that – which is what gave me the courage to write this blog today.

I have missed writing so much! I have missed connecting with others on this journey to healing. I have missed putting words to this blog and really connecting with those who also know what this journey is about for me, and for them. . . . . so that is why today – TODAY – I have decided to take another step and let the words be seen; let this journey be seen thru my writing and thru the steps forward.

Even as I sat here writing this blog, there were moments of pause, moments of not being sure if I wanted to continue to write to post it, even moments of deleting some words and putting them back – but all of those moments is what makes THIS step what it is.

I look forward to sharing thru my words what the healing process has been for me this past year, so I can connect with others and create more steps not only for me, but hopefully for others like I once did.

I am truly blessed for finding my way back to this blog and many others things that I isolated from.

There is this quote that I have really embraced as I have taken steps and that quote is

healing doesn’t completely eliminate a person’s pain. It removes the fear of entering into the pain

I have learned to enter “into” the fear and “into” the pain – – as a way to move out of it

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start where you are

Sometimes, when we are struggling, or going through a hard time, we long to move out of whatever we are going through to get back to how things were – “if only I can feel better”, “I wish I could go back to how I felt then when things felt easier“, “if only I could go back to that moment when . . . . “.

Sound familiar? I know we have all been there. We have all wished to take back a moment or a time, or to wish that we could go back to a particular good feeling, or a time when we felt a little more connected to others and ourselves.

I myself have gone through that many times – in fact I have gone through a really rough patch this past week with feeling something new, and wanting to go back to something that feels familiar, but I know if I just continue right where I am, that I will find myself right where I need to be.

Many many times I have wished to go back to a moment where I felt the most connected to myself and all my support – – but what I am learning and understanding is: by longing to go back, I am never truly going forward. I am learning that a part of the struggle – a part of the harder time I am going through is where I grow. Sometimes we need to get disconnected to re-connect to something better.

I am learning that being in the present moment of where I am (whether I am connected or not) is the place where I need to be; even if it feels absolutely horrible and unbearable. I can’t grow, or heal by going back, this journey is about going forward holding to whatever is here in this moment.

This past year I have really come to a clear understanding of being and honoring the place I am in – even if the moment is hard and painful. I am finally learning that emotions, and every tear shed is an untold story within trying to find its way out to be seen, felt and heard.

I am beginning to understand that emotions are not the enemy like I once thought them to be – only when I try to keep those emotions in does it become the enemy within me.

I have gone through many changes this year. I have gone through more changes this year, than I have in the whole 9 years of being in therapy and on this healing journey, and sometimes when so many big changes happen, it can be scary and vulnerable, and that is what this year has been for me so far.

In those changes, I am scrambling for something to feel familiar, and sometimes when we long to feel something familiar in the new, we want to go backwards to a time that feels more familiar. We long to feel something that once felt good and safe … but this journey is about finding the new familiar, the new comforts in the healing of going forward.

The healing journey and the work my therapist and I have done this past year has also been an amazing journey forward. My therapist has taught me so much about trusting the moment in front of me, and really honoring the emotions that I was once feared. It’s still a work in progress, but more and more, I am beginning to see that only when I honor the emotions and tears that show up – that they begin to heal, not hurt as the old messages would tell me.

When I sat down to write this blog, I thought to myself “I wish I could write the way I used to write” – well, maybe how I used to write isn’t the way I write now. The journey I have taken this year has changed me, and my writing will now serve a different purpose; a new purpose that will heal me forward, not backwards.

I will say this – I look forward to seeing where this continued forward path takes me. I am no longer going to focus on where I was or the moments that felt better –  but rather use where I was as a way to move forward to a new and better place within me.

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