Trust is not something that comes easily to me. It takes a lot for me to quiet the young part inside of me down from the past that was abused in that trust.
My whole childhood was about not trusting those around me, and always being on guard for the next bad hurtful thing to happen.
It was hard to trust anyone and still to this day it doesn’t come easily – it comes with some work from not only myself, but from those who are in a relationship with me.
My work in therapy for the past 7 1/2 years has been about learning to see and feel trust, and it began right in the therapy room with my therapist. He showed me what trust, care, safe touch, and connection felt like and how to trust that.
I am not the same person I was 7 1/2 years ago, I have learned to trust all those things; especially the connection piece. I can easily accept hugs, hold a hand and trust the hand, I can trust a promise or something being told to me . . . but also, the downside to my past is – there are times I still struggle with it.
Have a past of abuse sometimes in the world today those old old tapes and old old messages still creep up from deep inside that tell me something isn’t safe – when most of the time it is.
it’s the constant work that I have to do inside to keep those old messages at bay when I really have trust around me to trust.
I fight constantly with those old messages and those are the times that my work in therapy with my therapist has really helped to hear the old messages for they really are vs. what the truth is today. We have worked incredibly hard with this over the years – especially this past year we have worked very hard around working with the old messages inside.
I am reminded daily by GOD that there are good things to trust, even in God and his word and promise to us to always be by our side – and I use that trust that God has given me to try and apply it to everywhere else in my life and I work hard to do that.
Trust is a hard hard thing. . . if it’s broken it can be so painful and take so much time to repair – but the beauty of trusting also comes with it’s blessings of having those who really honor that trust and connect us to it.